Eve of the Juice Fast

9:00pm approaches and I sit here alone as I do most evenings. The guys who work hard and arise early have headed to bed already and I who use to be a night owl can't fathom going to bed at 9:00 even when I know it is wise and healthy for me, even out of boredom. At this point the truth is I am bored. The next hour I play around on the internet is driven by pure unadulterated boredom. I am really not learning anything new because at this time of night even if I was reading the manual on How to Live to 100,  I would not remember it tomorrow. So why am I doing this??!! 

My hope is to find out. To be mindful enough to ask the questions and seek the answers. Honestly that is it. I am so tired and bored I can't even ask the questions much less find the answers. I have tried every diet as of late. I have tried the programs, the shakes, the pills, the eliminations, red wine, no wine, chicken broth, green mountain tea, water fasting, binge eating within a 3 hour window, and I am no wiser. No wiser. I hope to journal like I have never journaled before. Every thing I put in my mouth and every mile I walk. That's it. That's the plan. Juicing and walking. Asking myself the hard questions and seeking the answers. I am not sure what will come of this. 

As of today my youngest son is in fire academy and will be graduating fire academy and high school with his open house in June. My oldest is in the process of buying his first home. My middle son is getting married in July with a wedding shower in May. So May, June, and July look to take off to soaring heights and I don't want to be left at the end of those months in a downward spiral to worse health than I am in now. Both my mother and father have cancer and my mom's prognosis is 6 months to a year. Many will never know this because our relationship is strained at best. 

BUT, I want to come out on the other side of the high in better health physically, mentally, and spiritually. That will take planning and questions, answers and seeking, mindfulness and sweet Jesus. I am not the easiest person to know and love. I admit that fully. I fake it well most days. On the bad days I stay in. So here's to knowing myself better and letting that sweet Jesus in another crack of my heart. 

I am off to drink a tall glass of water, take a dose of magnesium, some fish oil, add some lavender to the diffuser, and turn on my nightly bedtime story through the CALM app. Trusting Jesus sings a lullaby over me tonight. Sweet dreams... 

Let us examine our ways and test them and let us return to the Lord. - Lamentations 3:40–66